the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
