no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
