Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
