I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
