I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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