I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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