i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
