i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am one with the molecules
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
