Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
