What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
