what day is it and did you see me today?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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