So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
