also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
