Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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