To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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