overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
