after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
