dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
