I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
