Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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