Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
