I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
