i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
