I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
