Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
