You really coming over, don't trick.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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