hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need a beard to bite.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
