I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
