just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
