I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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