remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
