Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
