Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
