My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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