Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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