other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
