Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
