I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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