i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
