WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
