3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
