the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
