Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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