Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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