I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
