why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
