her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
