my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
