And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
