i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
