If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
