Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
