the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
