the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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