So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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