Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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