she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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