Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
