One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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