if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
