SEEEEXXX PLEASE
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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