Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize