Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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