this beer tastes like vomit already
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
