i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
