Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
