So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
