I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
