I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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