last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize