Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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