That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize