One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
