sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Less talking, more tequila
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
