wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
