My brain says no but my pants say off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Boobs are out for the taking
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
