I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
