i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
