as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
