I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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