I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
