stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize