Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
