the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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