I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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