"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize