If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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