you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
