WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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