I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize