pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
